Today I took both kids with me to Mardel. I have started doing preschool lessons with the kids and I wanted to pick up a few things. The trip started out great [like it always does] with two happy kids who listen and behave. As soon as we walk through the sliding doors into the store its like a switch goes off in their heads to be as loud and unruly as possible.
Avery is trying to get out of the cart which he is strapped in. Ryley is yelling things at me that she sees from 5 feet [sometimes inches] away. Avery’s leg gets stuck in the strap because he is still twisting to get out. Ryley is pulling things off the shelves and handing them to Avery. Avery throws them on the floor and has one leg out of the cart by now. Ryley is yelling ‘Look mom, Im a frog!’ and jumping around on the floor. I secure Avery back in the cart and tell Ryley to use our little voice and try to get through to the next aisle.
The next aisle people! Like we have walked in the store and I was barely able to get through the first aisle. At this point I feel like my whole body is on fire and that everyone in the store can hear me. Im embarrassed but Im more disappointed with my children. I feel like the worst parent in the world who can’t even get down two aisles before her kids start to tear down a store. Its like all my time in the store is wrangling them, trying to push through. I hate it. I absolutely hate that they act like little monsters and I don’t know what to do about it.
Im sure most of the people in the store are like the little old ladies in church and smile and think they are just being kids. But I feel differently. I feel like all my parenting, all my ‘on their level chats’ are non existent and I feel like a failure. I want to raise children that are polite and respectful [and most of the time they are] but when they go into monster mode I can’t decide if I want to scream, pull my hair out or cry.
After a good 10 minutes of trying explain to them that we need to behave and keep quiet, we left. I had a few things in my cart but my momma heart couldn’t take having to threaten them to be good. [Sorry Mardel employees, I promise it was for the best.] Ryley immediately started crying when we were marching out the door. Once we got in the car they were quiet and Avery said a very soft ‘I sorry’. And I cried as we drove home.
I love my children, I love them more then anything but sometimes they can be little monsters. Can any of you mommas out there relate? Any advice on what to do? I would love to get through a shopping trip without having to immediately think about leaving. Im sure its just their age, but someone reassure me it gets better! My momma heart needs a little encouragement right now. And ice cream. My heart definitely needs some ice cream.
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Jo B. says
Try this: http://www.amazon.com/Love-Logic-Magic-Early-Childhood/dp/1930429002
And remember none of us can be prefect, you or your kids. You can learn some techniques to deal with certain situations, though, so you feel more prepared and they know what to expect.
Don’t give up, but maybe you need to try and shop without them for a bit, if possible.
Kelley says
Thank you for the recommendation! Ill have to take a look at it. I appreciate the sweet comment 🙂
Tami @ Curb Alert! says
I have spent many a car rides crying all the way home! Hang in there Kelley, it does get better!
Kelley says
Thank you sweet friend! You’re the best!
Mom says
Momma told me there’d be days like this..there’d be days like this my Momma said! Tomorrow will be better. You are an awesome Mommy and have the patience of a saint. Love you!
Kelley says
Thanks mom! Love you! (And today was better!)
Amy mayen says
Aww Kelley. I took my nephews shopping when they were small and they were holy terrors. I don’t know how to make them behave…but I do know 2 things. One, is you are right, most people have been through it and understand. 2) the will sometimes be an idiot there to judge you based on the way your kids act in one moment. I wonder if you care what people think…sometimes I do even though I shouldn’t. But I’m not as stressed when I’m not worrying what other shoppers are thinking.
One of my nephews has a lot of behavior problems and needs constant attention to keep from acting out. Last year I’d take him shopping with me while big kids were in school & less people were out. One day, I thought I was doing great keeping him occupied- we were slam dunking toilet paper into the cart and being a little rambunctious, but the aisles were empty and he wasn’t running off or messing up shelves. We weren’t even loud. A lady came up to me and said I was disgusting for teaching him that behavior in a store.
That day, when Evan was on his very best behavior, and I got accosted for it: that was the day I stopped caring whether or not people thing I’m a good mom/aunt, and stopped caring if anybody thinks my kid(s) are well behaved. I expect them to behave as well as they are capable. They aren’t robots who can walk silently and not touch for an hour. I can’t make anybody understand that, but I won’t waste my energy trying to get my kids to live up to some strangers expectations.
You are a great mother, don’t worry about a thing. Anybody who can throw the first stone at a mom with 3 kids at the grocery store-wow. They should write a book.
Kelley says
Aww!! Amy, thank you so so much! I think half the time I get upset because I worry what other people are going to think. And then I get flustered and it just goes down hill. I have only had people say positive things about the kids when we are out, I can’t imagine someone saying something negative like that. That would a.) break my heart and b.) send me into mama bear mode. Thank you for such a sweet comment. I might have cried a little. 😉
SusieQTpies says
Hugs Momma! I have twins so I remember the toddler-go-into-the-store stage. I think I took a stroller or made sure I used the store cart when possible. As they got older, I would “let them” rotate who got to ride in the shopping cart. So they thought it was cool to ride in the cart. On best behavior someone got to ride in the cart. So both worked to be good to ride in the cart. lol I think that whenever possible I made it a game no matter where we went with or without a stroller or cart. Rewards would follow and for some reason they almost always played along. So try making it a game….find something red, find something round…staying in or by the cart to count.
Hope these help. Just so you know as crazy as it is, you can do it and things will get better. Some day they will be in college and you’ll only be able to recall these crazy momma moments.
Kelley says
Thanks for the advice Susie! I know they are just little and adventurous, but some days it is so hard. I will have to try to make it a game next time we go out. My daughter will really like that. Thanks again!
Crystal says
Kelley, I’m here to tell you it does get better. I have two teenagers and this is the best times. Hang in there and stand your ground as mom!!
Kelley says
Thanks Crystal! Just those days where everything goes wrong seem to drag on. Today – SO much better! Not sure what happened but its like I have different kids. Thanks for the encouragement sweet friend!
Janet says
Kelly, I’m a mom of boy/girl twins that are about to turn 4. All I could think while reading this is ‘I’m not the only one!’ My kids are usually quite polite and well behaved (for the most part). But after several grocery trips that resulted in me crying the entire way home I have found a few tricks that help….at least a little bit. First – if you can leave them with someone…do it! You’re trip to the store will seem like a vacation and I promise you will come home with a smile on your face. If that isn’t an option, bring along some paper with crayons & markers, or another toy you know they will love to play with…it will keep them busy (at least for a little while). Another option is to make them their own grocery list (with pictures) and ask them to be your helper. They must stay with you at all times and keep an eye out for the items on their list. Sometimes making them feel included is all that’s needed. But if you can leave them with someone…take it and enjoy every minute of your micro-vacation!
Kelley says
Yes! Im not the only one either! And I really like the idea of having them help. Sometimes I feel like they get bored and start acting out, other times – well, Im not sure. Toddlers being toddlers. Thank you for the great idea! Ill try it!